Barefoot International’s Twas the Night Before Christmas
an actual account of a visit from St. Nicholas by
Lanemus Maximus from Barefoot International
“Twas the night before Christmas and out on my lake
Not a creature was stirring, not even a snake;
The barefoot suits were hung in the boathouse with care,
In hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there;
Barefooters were crashing all snug in their bunks,
With visions of calm water without any bumps.
Big Momma in her nighty, and I in my shorts,
Had just settled down for a nap of sorts.
When out on the lake I heard such a splatter,
I jumped from my bed to see what was the matter.
Out to the Lanai, I flew at warp speed, cranked
open my windows and peered through the reeds.
The moon on the water, shining below,
Made it easy to see the gators eyes glow.
But what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a new type of boat powered by reindeer.
With a speed-hungry driver pulling a big dude in Dawg Paws,
I knew at that moment it must be Santa Claus!
More rapid than boarders, trickers, or slalom,
This big guy craved speed and I heard him callin’;
‘Now Driver, now spotter, and GoPro dude,
Let’s crank up this bad boy and see what she’ll do.’
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The Ooohing and Aaaahing of bare reindeer hoofs.
As I drew in my hand and was turning around
I heard the big guy lay a flawless side slide down.
This guy had great padding on his butt and his back,
His barefoot suit was awesome without any slack.
A bundle of gear he had on his back,
It looked like The Footer’s Edge was sponsoring this chap!
His eyes how they twinkled behind Oakleys and Tilley,
His cheeks were all fried; he probably hadn’t applied #30!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
And the beard of his chin was bleached out like the snow.
The stump of his pipe soaking wet in his teeth,
It was obvious this guy had done a back deep.
His legs looked explosive, his arms major pumped,
I think that Santa had gone inverted off my jump!
I laughed when I saw him, flying high in the sky,
This guy had just launched his run on my Super-Fly-High.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know, I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word as he went straight to work,
This guy’s moves were seamless, not even a jerk.
I watched in amazement as he went through his turns,
It was obvious to me I had something to learn!
He sprang to his ride, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him explain, ere he drove out of site,
“Make sure to apply your SlickFeet50 tonight!”